This is the blog of Justin Michael Terwilliger. This is the page where I share my inner most thoughts and feelings. I open up in every way that I can put into words. Words are hard to express at times and it's not always easy to express yourself, but as you can see I certainly try to. Please read avidly and criticize all you wish. These are my thoughts, nobody is to say they are wrong. This is my only blog on Tumblr. For my actual Tumblr profile, go to http://www.justinselsewhere.tumblr.com
All posts here, are my own creations and imaginings unless stated otherwise.
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justinselsewhere:

This is my Great Grandfather. He died July 7th, 2012 from cancer. 
He was the kind of guy that would help guide me, take care of the family, his wife and everyone he loved, first thing, above all else, and definitely before himself. He was in the war so he could have been a bitter old man, like many vets seem to become in their old age, but every time I saw him, he had a smile on his face. He would give you the shirt off of his back in a blizzard and be completely happy knowing he made you a little warmer. 
He took care of my great grandmother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and dementia. Because of her medication she would need to get up to go to the bathroom literally every 5 to 10 minutes. While this can and does become frustrating to some, he never complained about it. He always got up and said “Let me help you, babe.” and walked her to the bathroom. 
Even when my great grandmother went to a nursing home, because he being over the age of 80 could not physically take care of her as much as he wanted to, he still went and saw her every day. Multiple times. Sometimes she didn’t remember him, but this didn’t matter to him much, he still remembered her, and boy did he love her. This went on for years.
July 4th, 2012 I got a call from my mother while preparing to go out with some friends. She told me my grandfather was in the hospital and she didn’t know what was going on. I went to the hospital and saw him lying in the bed. I cried because I had never seen the strongest man I had ever known, so weak. He didn’t even look like the same man. He just laid there, unconscious, and we didn’t know if he was ever going to wake up. The doctor came in and told us that he had had cancer for years and never said a word about it to anyone. He was too busy taking care of everyone else that he didn’t take care of himself. He was diagnosed with what the doctor referred to as a “severely aggressive lung cancer.”
The next day, before going to see him, I got his name tattooed on my ankle. When I showed up at the hospital, my aunt, my mother, and my grandmother burst into tears. My aunt said “I never knew how much he meant to Justin. I don’t even like tattoos and it’s beautiful. To know he had such an affect on him means the world to me.”
While this was happening, I went over to my great grandfather and held his hand, I kept silent because I didn’t know what to say. He opened his eyes a little bit, looked me right in the eye and tried to smile. He had a tube sticking down his throat so he could breathe, and he still managed to crack a smile. I told him that I loved him and he shed a few tears and fell back asleep. 
When I had to leave, I was saying goodbye to my family. After, I went and grabbed his hand and told him “I know things are really hard to understand right now, but I love you, and I’ll be back tomorrow.” I kissed him on the forehead and left. While I was leaving I looked to my brother and I said “This is going to be the very last time we see him. I hope you said what you had to say.” to which he replied “We’ll see him tomorrow, dude. Don’t worry.”
He passed away a few hours later.
I will never forget what my great grandfather taught me. He taught me to love everyone, take good care of your family, be a good person no matter what, and always try to find the good in everyone and everything. 
I will never forget you, Papa. I love you with all of my heart. I hope I showed you that when we watched all those baseball games, played catch, and sat around the table talking. I hope I showed you.

justinselsewhere:

This is my Great Grandfather. He died July 7th, 2012 from cancer. 

He was the kind of guy that would help guide me, take care of the family, his wife and everyone he loved, first thing, above all else, and definitely before himself. He was in the war so he could have been a bitter old man, like many vets seem to become in their old age, but every time I saw him, he had a smile on his face. He would give you the shirt off of his back in a blizzard and be completely happy knowing he made you a little warmer. 

He took care of my great grandmother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and dementia. Because of her medication she would need to get up to go to the bathroom literally every 5 to 10 minutes. While this can and does become frustrating to some, he never complained about it. He always got up and said “Let me help you, babe.” and walked her to the bathroom. 

Even when my great grandmother went to a nursing home, because he being over the age of 80 could not physically take care of her as much as he wanted to, he still went and saw her every day. Multiple times. Sometimes she didn’t remember him, but this didn’t matter to him much, he still remembered her, and boy did he love her. This went on for years.

July 4th, 2012 I got a call from my mother while preparing to go out with some friends. She told me my grandfather was in the hospital and she didn’t know what was going on. I went to the hospital and saw him lying in the bed. I cried because I had never seen the strongest man I had ever known, so weak. He didn’t even look like the same man. He just laid there, unconscious, and we didn’t know if he was ever going to wake up. The doctor came in and told us that he had had cancer for years and never said a word about it to anyone. He was too busy taking care of everyone else that he didn’t take care of himself. He was diagnosed with what the doctor referred to as a “severely aggressive lung cancer.”

The next day, before going to see him, I got his name tattooed on my ankle. When I showed up at the hospital, my aunt, my mother, and my grandmother burst into tears. My aunt said “I never knew how much he meant to Justin. I don’t even like tattoos and it’s beautiful. To know he had such an affect on him means the world to me.”

While this was happening, I went over to my great grandfather and held his hand, I kept silent because I didn’t know what to say. He opened his eyes a little bit, looked me right in the eye and tried to smile. He had a tube sticking down his throat so he could breathe, and he still managed to crack a smile. I told him that I loved him and he shed a few tears and fell back asleep. 

When I had to leave, I was saying goodbye to my family. After, I went and grabbed his hand and told him “I know things are really hard to understand right now, but I love you, and I’ll be back tomorrow.” I kissed him on the forehead and left. While I was leaving I looked to my brother and I said “This is going to be the very last time we see him. I hope you said what you had to say.” to which he replied “We’ll see him tomorrow, dude. Don’t worry.”

He passed away a few hours later.

I will never forget what my great grandfather taught me. He taught me to love everyone, take good care of your family, be a good person no matter what, and always try to find the good in everyone and everything. 

I will never forget you, Papa. I love you with all of my heart. I hope I showed you that when we watched all those baseball games, played catch, and sat around the table talking. I hope I showed you.

Posted on April 15th, 2014 at 4:30 AM
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Source: justinselsewhere
"Isn’t a person just a collection of their mistakes, and also their, kind of, undoing of their mistakes? I mean, what else are you? You know, you’re always just the reaction to the bad parts of yourself, I think. And I think that’s what is kind of like, a driving motivation behind any human being…who wants to continue to grow and live life. Because they’re looking at their flaws and trying to, go beyond it. And I think that a person, you know, essentially dies when they think that they found themselves, you know? Unless you want to admit that you, yourself, are not an individual, and are just part of a whole movement of ideas, and thought, and culture, and humanity and, furthermore, the universe, and everything. Unless you really feel like that, and you’re walking through walls, You know, you are always trying to find yourself. And it’s usually a person who believes that they’ve found “the answer”, found “the end” that there actually is a psychological end. And then what’s the point of doing anything after that? "
Eyedea
Posted on October 20th, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Reborn.

Reborn.

Posted on September 26th, 2013 at 3:28 AM

You sit there, in your chair wondering how another day came. “Not tomorrow” you say as you put clothes on your naked flesh, preparing yourself for the day. A day that you wished never came.

You call for a cab to take you away. Take you to the one place that you feel safe and sane. To that little center of the world where you feel nothing can hurt you. To the place that you can think clearly, or not at all. Maybe you’ll think about the boy you loved, the one that died down the street the year before.

You hope for something better but then tell yourself “Nothing possibly can get better” and you just run away. You tell yourself that’s why you drink to excess and smoke a pack a day. No hope.

You try to make it better but then tell yourself it can’t get better and second guess every decision you try to make, and what is this life? Why are you feeling it? You’re your own worst enemy. The only one you can’t defeat.

Face your demons.

Posted on September 26th, 2013 at 1:47 AM
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Hi, my name is Justin. I’m a pretty insignificant being. I’m just a June bug. I live life freely and uncaring. I skitter until Zack Miller or Evan Martin sets me on fire. I fall into a pit of wax, or chocolate and just drown. I’ll drown there and my death is inevitable just like yours. But the thing about it was, it wasn’t a wasted life. It was a care free and simple oneThe simple beauty and love experienced was worth every breath lost in my inevitable end.

Posted on June 26th, 2012 at 3:36 AM
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Tags ~ Me ~ Self ~ Poetry? ~ Poetry ~ Blog

Posted on June 8th, 2012 at 11:10 PM
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Source: justinselsewhere

The lonely sandy mountains were once friends with the deepest seas. Then in one swift night, God cast out his hand and took the oceans away from the mountains. Then the winds came down and blew the sands away. So the sands lost everything. The sands traveled on the wind and eventually set in the dryest desert on Earth. Forever to be scorched by the burning sun. Now I don’t know much about that, but I do know there was purpose and reason behind it. It all comes together in the end. It all comes together for that one perfect moment, suspended in time, as if nothing could touch it.

Posted on May 18th, 2012 at 4:01 PM
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Whoever is hacking into my tumblr and posting gay sex, please stop. I’m not a gay basher l, I don’t hate gay people and I don’t discriminate against someone for a choice that frankly had nothing to do with me. However this is starting to get old and upsetting. So please stop doing it. I work all day. I shouldn’t have to have to come home to deleting a bunch of shit.

Posted on May 14th, 2012 at 1:48 AM

Why are we in a rush to get back to a world that turned it’s back on us? Lets make our home here, just you and me my dear, next to the mountain that grows out. Why are we in a rush to get back to a world that turned it’s back on us? Lets make our home here, just you and me my dear, next to the fountain the flows out.

The river flows through the majestics of Zion. A place to live and a place to rely on. The river flows deep, it brings deepest peace. The river of gold flows brightly and cold. We set sail alone with nothing but the stories we told. The river is history, the river is ancient. The river is cold and the river is patient. The river is you. The river is I. The river is fighting. The river won’t die.

Why are we in a rush to get back to a world that turned it’s back on us? Lets make our home here, just you and me my dear, next to the mountain that grows out. Why are we in a rush to get back to a world that turned it’s back on us? Lets make our home here, just you and me my dear, next to the fountain the flows out. Our love is the river. Our love is the fountain. I’ll drink from it forever.

Posted on May 1st, 2012 at 5:19 AM
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Tags ~ Personal ~ Poetry? ~ The River

This really tugs at my heart and makes me cry. I wish this was out world. A free one. I wish people thought this way. I wish the Earth was peaceful. I wish this was our lives. I guess all we can do is keep trying. Eventually, there will be enough people who want to make a difference in this world, and will.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone, if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness — not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another.

In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world — millions of despairing men, women and little children — victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say — do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed — the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish. 

Soldiers!! Don’t give yourselves to brutes — men who despise you — enslave you — who regiment your lives — tell you what to do — what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men — machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines!! You are not cattle!! You are men!! You have the love of humanity in your heart. You don’t hate!! Only the unloved hate — the unloved and the unnatural!! Soldiers!! Don’t fight for slavery!! Fight for liberty!! In the 17th Chapter of St. Luke it is written: “The Kingdom of God is within man” — not one man nor a group of men, but in all men!! In you!! You, the people have the power — the power to create machines. The power to create happiness!! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. 

Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power!! Let us all unite!! Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth the future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie!! They do not fulfill their promise; they never will. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people! Now, let us fight to fulfill that promise! Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers!! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!!” -Charlie Chaplin.

Posted on February 29th, 2012 at 4:27 AM
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Tags ~ Very Personal ~ Personal ~ Charlie Chaplin ~ Love ~ Unity